RESOURCES

If I sense that someone is angry because they may have snapped at me or raised their voice, I might say, “I imagine you are feeling angry.” Now if this arises with your loved one, he or she might not be as aware as you and might deny any angry feeling. However  they may notice that they are feeling a little frustrated, or irritated…these feelings are a form of anger.

Remember though, you can never make your loved one agree with you. If you feel you are right then you will just have to hold that knowledge for them until they start to recognise their own feelings. It is important to remember that we can all do and say things in a certain way and be totally oblivious to it. This is why it is so important to become more and more aware of ourselves.

Thinking is important if we are going to maintain awareness, and what we think about is even more important. I believe our mind is everywhere and I believe that we are more than we see ourselves to be.  I have heard Bob Proctor explain in his Science of Getting Rich Seminar that the brain is just the junction box for our mind. As I understand it, our mind is part of our whole being and everything around us. It is connected to the universal mind. In Psychsynthesis (the theory I trained with to become a counsellor/psychotherapist) we believe that we have a higher unconscious mind which is connected to the universal unconscious mind.  Our thoughts are coloured by experiences, feelings, the environment and other people. 

How we think in our relationship is so important in helping us through times of change. Sometimes change is necessary and we choose it. Other times it is forced on us. Thinking positive thoughts about our loved ones, ourselves and our experiences are important. Even if our experience is not good, there is always a gift and a learning in it.

I could not begin to think about changing the way I was in my marriage. I was closed instead of being open to something even better being possible. I thought it was my ex-husband who needed to change because I felt hurt and thought it was his fault, but the hurt was my feeling and came from my experiences in the past. He was the trigger that brought the past experience into my mind.

This eventually resulted in a major change being forced on me when my marriage ended. I could have at least wondered what it would be like to be different and perhaps used my imagination to try out being different. I believe we both needed to sit down and think about what we both wanted. To image/envision how we would like our marriage to be and where we wanted it to go but neither of us thought to do that. I was certainly stuck in my way of thinking and not aware of anything that might be coming from my higher unconscious. Neither was I thinking or aware of how my ex-husband might be feeling or thinking. And I certainly did not think to ask how he might be feeling or what he might by thinking.