RESOURCES

Positive and Negative

By: Sharon Stiles

Are you a glass half full or a glass half empty person?  Do you see all the problems in life and feel them bearing down on you or do you take things as they come and make the best of them?

Your outlook will have a bearing on the best way to deal with things that get in your way, that make you unhappy, anxious or afraid.

Why do people put up with unpleasant or irritating things in their life when they could change them?  There may be some physical or financial barriers which stand in the way and I'm not going to cover those here.  But often the only thing that is keeping the misery, boredom or fear in place is someone's mindset.  I often hear the words "I couldn't do that", "I'm not good enough to do that" or "I've always been like it, I can't change."  Who says you can't do it?  Are you sure you can't change? Would life be better if you could do things differently?  There are a lot of questions, but people rarely ask them of themselves.  They continue through life, accepting their self fulfilling prophecy.

This is a really good (or bad!) example of self hypnosis, a constant repetition of a negative suggestion.  People learn by repetition and habit so the more you tell yourself something the more it becomes real.  Think of all those things that you do today without thinking because at some point in the past you repeated them over and over until they became second nature.  For the majority of people walking is a good example.  You don't consciously work out which foot to put on the floor when and how to balance, you've got the technique in your mind and the only time you probably notice is if something goes wrong or it becomes difficult due to tiredness.  Maths tables are another example.  If you learnt by repetition at school and you still use them regularly you can probably give someone the right answer without even thinking about it.  Things you repeat on a regular basis just become second nature to you.

So one way of starting to remove those psychological barriers is to change the thoughts you repeat to yourself.  Instead of thinking about what you can't do, think about what life would be like if you can do it.  Start challenging yourself as to why you feel unable to act or think differently.  You may just have got into the habit of thinking in a particular way and those thoughts are no longer relevant.  If you were  bullied as a child then you may think "I can't talk to people, they won't like me, they will treat me badly."  That was relevant as a child because it was actually happening, but as an adult you're with a different group of people and you're not exactly the same person any more.  So, there's a possibility that you could be bullied by people, but is it likely? 

Another reason people don't change is because they haven't realised how limiting their life is.  It's a bit like a carpet that hasn't been cleaned for 10 or 20 years.  You get used to the duller colours and the marks on it.  Perhaps you've moved the furniture to cover some of them up so it looks better.  When you have the carpet cleaned you realise how vibrant the colours are, how much better the room looks.  You also have much more flexibility because now you can move the furniture anywhere and make better use of the space, rather than being stuck with a particular layout because it hid the problem marks.

People's lives follow a similar pattern. A phobia, anxiety, habit or unhappiness gradually gets worse and has more impact on someone's life until the person becomes restricted in what they can do. Because it's happened gradually though they don't realise how much it has changed their life. It could be a fear of flying that started as a nervousness which made flights slightly problematic but holidays abroad were still a regular occurrence. Then, the nervousness grew into anxiety which meant taking tranquilisers before the flight and starting to think of all the things that could go wrong. This led into abandoning overseas holidays because the whole holiday was spent winding down from the flight out and then worrying about the flight home. It could then lead to anxiety around other forms of travel as well, thinking about all the things that could go wrong with those. The fear would have more and more impact on the person's life and would start to play a major part in what they could and couldn't do but it would just feel the normal way of behaving.

As I mentioned earlier, hypnosis is a great way to create patterns, behaviours and thoughs in your mind. But why not create positive ones, the ones that enhance your life so that you can get more out of it? Sometimes it can be difficult to create positive thoughts if you've become used to the negative ones, after all if you think about all the things that can go wrong then you're more likely to be prepared for them and so you're avoiding danger. But, there does need to be a balance, making a logical judgement as to the likely outcome.

Sometimes it's easier to focus on the negative things in your life and I recommend the energy techniques for dealing with them. EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), Chinosis and EmoTrance are effective ways of using the thoughts that come naturally to some people and allowing them to change into positive ones. This may seem strange but the analogy I use is of an overgrown garden that you want to turn into a beautifcul flower garden. You could be positive about it and start to plant some seeds but they would find it difficult to grow through all the brambles and weeds. All the positive thinking in the world wouldn't help them grow.  However, if you turn your attention to the problem then you can cut down the brambles and uproot the weeds, leaving clear ground for you to plant the seeds that can then easily grow into the beautiful flowers because there's nothing getting in their way.